Azure Window Finally Back After Local Handyman 'Fixes It With Some Cement and Willpower'

DWEJRA, GOZO — The nation awoke to scenes of jubilation this morning as reports emerged that the Azure Window — Malta’s most iconic natural landmark, which collapsed into the sea in 2017 — has been “fully restored” by a 67-year-old Gozitan handyman who says he “couldn’t stand looking at the empty space anymore.”

Karmenu Vella of Xagħra claims he spent a single night rebuilding the limestone arch using materials sourced from “a couple of construction sites that weren’t using them anyway” and what he describes as “pure Gozitan stubbornness."

"Everyone said it was impossible. The geologists, the engineers, the government — all of them said you can’t rebuild a natural arch that took thousands of years to form,” Mr. Vella told reporters while eating a ftira. “But you know what? My nanna also said I’d never fix the kitchen sink, and I fixed that in 2003. So.”

Tourists who arrived at Dwejra this morning were reportedly stunned to find a large arch-shaped structure standing roughly where the Azure Window once stood, though several noted that it appeared “significantly more rectangular” than the original and had what appeared to be rebar poking out of one side.

”It’s… something,” said German tourist Klaus Hoffmann, 54, squinting at the structure. “It’s definitely standing. I’ll give him that. Is it the Azure Window? I mean, in spirit, perhaps. In terms of actual resemblance to the original, I would say it looks more like a car park entrance.”

The Planning Authority has issued a statement saying it was “not consulted” on the reconstruction and is “looking into the matter,” though insiders suggest there is confusion about whether a natural landmark requires a planning permit to be rebuilt, or whether Mr. Vella has inadvertently created a new structure that itself requires a permit.

”We’re in uncharted territory,” admitted a PA spokesperson. “Our forms don’t have a category for ‘rebuilt natural wonder.’ We may need to create a new department.”

The Gozo Tourism Authority, meanwhile, has already updated its website and printed 50,000 new brochures featuring the structure, which they are calling “The Azure Window 2.0 — Now With More Cement.”

Mr. Vella says he is already planning his next project: rebuilding the Ġgantija Temples’ missing sections “because they look unfinished, and that’s been bothering me for 5,000 years.”