MARSA — The simmering pastizzi shortage that has gripped the nation took a dramatic turn this morning when residents of Marsa erected barricades across Triq Aldo Moro, effectively cutting off one of Malta’s busiest arterial roads, and declared that “nobody moves until we get our pastizzi back.”
The uprising, which began at approximately 6:30 AM when regular customers arrived at their local pastizzeria only to find a handwritten sign reading “NO RICOTTA. NO PEA. NO NOTHING. SORRY.” taped to the door, escalated rapidly.
”First it was just me and Pawlu standing outside, confused,” recounted Zaren Buttigieg, 52, who has eaten pastizzi from the same shop every morning for twenty-eight years. “Then Karmenu showed up. Then his wife. Then his wife’s sister. Then the whole street. By 7 AM there were about two hundred of us, and someone had already flipped a wheelie bin.”
The barricade, constructed from overturned recycling bins, cafe chairs, and what appears to be a disassembled festa float, stretches across both lanes of the road. Traffic has been diverted through Paola, adding an estimated forty-five minutes to commutes — “though honestly,” noted one commuter, “that’s only about fifteen minutes more than usual.”
Protest leaders have issued a list of demands, which they describe as “non-negotiable.” The demands include: immediate restoration of pastizzi supplies to all Marsa outlets; a formal government apology; the creation of a strategic national pastizzi reserve “so this never happens again”; and free pastizzi for all Marsa residents for the next six months “as compensation for emotional damages."
"We are a peaceful people,” declared self-appointed protest spokesperson Carmen Spiteri, 64, speaking through a megaphone borrowed from a nearby church. “But every person has their limit. You can take our parking spaces. You can dig up our roads for construction. You can make us wait three hours at the health centre. But you cannot — you CANNOT — take away our pastizzi.”
The police have established a perimeter but have so far declined to intervene. “Half our officers are from Marsa,” explained a police spokesperson. “They’re sympathetic to the cause. One of them is actually on the barricade. We’re pretending not to notice.”
The Prime Minister has dispatched a negotiation team to the scene, though initial talks broke down when the government’s opening offer of “maybe some imqaret instead” was met with what witnesses described as “a level of outrage that shook windows.”
At press time, the barricade remains in place, protest songs are being sung in Maltese, and someone has set up a barbecue. Morale is reportedly high.