VALLETTA — Employees at a Merchants Street accounting firm have formally reported their colleague Pawlu Micallef, 38, to management after discovering that he commutes to work on foot, arriving in “approximately eight to ten minutes” without experiencing any traffic, road rage, or existential despair — a claim his co-workers say is “clearly impossible without the aid of dark forces."
"He just… walks in every morning, completely calm,” said receptionist Doris Camilleri, who filed the initial complaint. “No sweat. No stories about being stuck behind a bus for forty minutes. No cursing about the roadworks on the regional road. He just arrives. Smiling. It’s not normal.”
The office, which employs twelve people, conducted an informal survey revealing that the average commute time among staff is one hour and twenty-three minutes. One employee, who lives in Mellieħa, reported a personal record of two hours and forty-five minutes on a particularly bad Wednesday.
”I leave my house at 5:45 AM to get to work by 8,” said senior accountant Maria Borg, who lives in Mosta. “Pawlu leaves at 7:50 and gets here before me. Every single day. You tell me that’s not witchcraft.”
Mr. Micallef has attempted to explain that he lives on Old Bakery Street, a seven-minute walk from the office, but colleagues remain unconvinced. “That’s exactly what a witch would say,” noted IT manager Zaren Buhagiar. “He probably flies here on a broomstick and then walks the last bit so nobody sees.”
The situation escalated when Mr. Micallef was overheard saying he “doesn’t even own a car,” a statement that caused two colleagues to make the sign of the cross and one to leave the room entirely.
”No car? In Malta?” said office manager Karmenu Grech, visibly shaken. “My family has five cars and there are three of us. Even my nanna has a car, and she can’t see over the steering wheel. What kind of person doesn’t have a car?”
Mr. Micallef has since been moved to a corner desk away from other employees, and a small dish of salt has been placed near his workstation “as a precaution.” He reports that he remains “confused but otherwise fine” and plans to continue walking to work.
HR has opened a formal investigation. “We’re taking all concerns seriously,” said HR director Anna Spiteri. “In the meantime, we’ve asked Pawlu to please at least complain about traffic occasionally, just to help everyone feel more comfortable.”