MARSASKALA — In an event that linguists are calling “statistically impossible,” a British expatriate living in Marsaskala correctly pronounced the Maltese letter ‘Ħ’ while ordering bread at a local bar, prompting an immediate and unprecedented grant of Maltese citizenship by the stunned bartender.

”He just walked up to the counter and said, ‘Nista’ ħobż biż-żejt, jekk jogħġbok,’” recalled bartender Karmenu Vella, 63, his eyes still wide with disbelief. “Not ‘hobz.’ Not ‘hobbz.’ Not ‘hobs.’ He said ‘ħobż.’ With the Ħ. The actual Ħ. I nearly called an ambulance because I thought I was having a stroke.”

The foreigner in question, identified as 41-year-old David Patterson of Chelmsford, Essex, has lived in Malta for three years. He claims to have spent eighteen months practising the Ħ sound “in the shower, in the car, and sometimes at my desk at work, which did get me called into HR twice."

"Everyone told me it was impossible,” Mr. Patterson said, still wearing the Maltese flag that locals had draped over his shoulders. “My Maltese teacher said, and I quote, ‘David, you’re a lovely man, but you will never make that sound. Your throat was not built for it.’ Well, who’s laughing now, Ms. Camilleri?”

The impromptu citizenship ceremony, conducted by Mr. Vella using a laminated drinks menu and a pen borrowed from a nearby table, may not have legal standing, according to constitutional experts. However, the Identity Malta agency released a statement saying they would “look into expediting the formal process, given the extraordinary circumstances."

"We have a points-based system for citizenship,” explained an Identity Malta spokesperson. “Correct pronunciation of Ħ is worth approximately 4,000 points. For context, buying property is worth 50.”

Mr. Patterson’s achievement has inspired other foreign residents, though early results have been discouraging. At a hastily organised “Ħ Practice Session” in Paceville last night, only two of forty-seven participants managed to produce a sound that was “within the same postcode as the correct pronunciation,” according to organisers.

Mr. Patterson says he plans to tackle ‘Għ’ next, though his doctor has advised him to “take it slow” and “maybe just enjoy the Ħ for a while.”