VALLETTA — The Government today announced a bold new cultural initiative: turning the exhausting ritual of consenting to cookies into an official national sport.
From this month, schools will teach children how to identify the smallest pre-checked box, how to find the elusive reject all button hidden behind five layers of modal windows, and how to answer mysterious questions like whether a website can ‘enhance your browsing experience and also email your aunt’.
Training for the digital arena
Minister for Digital Sports Karmenu Farrugia said the move will build resilience and speed, two qualities he described as essential for modern Maltese life above and beyond knowing how to open a can of bigilla.
We are creating champions. Soon Malta will not only win in festa fireworks but also in consent banners. Uwejja, I myself can click through a paywall while ordering ħobż biż-żejt,
The initiative includes free public courses in piazzas across Malta where instructors will time participants as they scroll, untick, and click ‘I accept’ on a variety of simulated websites including news portals, online bakery shops, and a suspiciously convincing pastizzi delivery service that always asks for your mother’s maiden name.
Local cafes have reported a sudden spike in business as people practice their clicks over kahwa and a jam-stained laptop. Pawlu, a resident of Hamrun, said he feels proud to be part of something bigger than himself.
Mela, it is harder than it looks, he added, wiping crumbs off his keyboard. Sometimes the button moves. Sometimes the website asks for your consent to track your consent.
The Planning Authority welcomed the scheme because it will reduce the number of people permanently parked at roundabouts staring at their phones. The National Sports Council is considering adding consent banner speed trials to the next national games.
At press time, a small delegation from Gozo had arrived to request an exemption for ferry timetables, arguing that clicking ‘I accept’ during rough seas is unfair.