VALLETTA — Times of Mela was founded on the simple premise that Malta is one of the funniest places on earth, and nobody is taking nearly enough advantage of that fact.
We are a satirical news website. Everything you read here is made up. The people are fictional. The events did not happen. The statistics were invented in a café in Sliema over a ħobż biż-żejt and a lot of espresso. Any resemblance to real events is either a coincidence or a sign that Malta has once again managed to satirise itself before we got the chance.
Why Does Malta Need Satire?
Malta is a country of 500,000 people, two islands (plus a third one that Gozitans insist is a continent), approximately fourteen lanes of traffic where four are marked, and a planning system that appears to have been designed by someone who had never heard of planning.
It has festa fireworks in July that are genuinely louder than some wars. It has roundabouts that function as suggestion boxes. It has a ferry to Gozo that runs on Maltese time, which is to say: eventually, and with feeling.
It is magnificent, chaotic, sun-baked, pastizzi-fuelled, and in desperate need of someone pointing and laughing — affectionately — at all of it.
That is us. We are the pointing and laughing. The affectionate part is important.
Who Writes This?
Our editor-in-chief is Joey Debono, who may or may not be a real person. Our reporters are dedicated professionals who take their entirely fictional beats very seriously. Our fact-checkers do not exist, which is fine because neither do the facts.
We are not affiliated with Times of Malta, the actual newspaper, which is a fine publication that reports real things. We are the other kind.
A Note on Satire
Satire is one of the oldest forms of journalism. Ancient Greeks did it. Jonathan Swift did it. The Onion does it. We do it but with more pastizzi references and a genuine concern about the Gozo ferry timetable.
If you read something here and think "that sounds exactly like something that would happen in Malta" — you are correct, and that is the entire point.
If you read something here and think it is real news: please close the tab, go outside, eat something, and maybe check the source next time. We wish you well.
Contact & Legal
For anything that requires an adult response, see our Contact page. For how we handle your data (spoiler: carefully and with deep respect for the GDPR), see our Privacy Policy. For cookies, see our Cookie Policy — and also maybe check your local pastizzerija.
At press time, the editor was unavailable for comment. He was in the queue for pastizzi. We do not expect him back soon.