VALLETTA — The government this morning announced the formation of a new committee charged with a single, urgent national priority: to decide which committee should be created next to solve everything that existing committees have so far failed to solve. Uwejja, officials said, the move is decisive.
Purpose, membership, and a very clear agenda
The “Meta-Committee on Committees” will include representatives from the Planning Authority, a parking warden, a pastizzier, a retired Gozo ferry captain, two professors of Administration Who Say Things, and a Facebook comments analyst. Its remit is broad, its terms of reference are intentionally flexible, and its first meeting is scheduled for 2pm on a Tuesday, which sources say is the only time all members are free to convene unless there’s a festa.
The Prime Minister described the committee as “innovative, strategic and fully consultative,” adding that consultation will be carried out via in-person meetings, WhatsApp threads, and a short poll attached to the Gozo ferry ticket system. “We are taking decisive action,” said Minister Ġorġ Farrugia, who was wearing a tie with tiny graphs on it.
”This is not just another committee. This is meta. This is committee-ception.”
How decisions will definitely be reached
According to the press release, the Meta-Committee will convene sub-groups to review the evidence, form working parties to scrutinise the sub-groups, and create a steering group to oversee the working parties reviewing the sub-groups. Each sub-group will be encouraged to include at least one member with direct experience of complaining on social media about development permits, and one small-business owner who can speak about pastizzi supply chain issues.
Membership quotas have been carefully calculated so that every demographic feels represented. Young people will be represented by a 45-year-old who grew up during dial-up internet. Rural voices will be represented by someone who owns a sheep in a field near Għajn Tuffieħa but actually lives in Pembroke. The Planning Authority will send an architect who will offer a PowerPoint with three mood boards and an inspirational slide about “placemaking.”
The committee’s transparency commitment includes publishing a short report summarising its findings in 14 languages, plus a deluxe version with footnotes for tourists. The deluxe version will be available for sale at selected ħobż biż-żejt stands and at the Gozo ferry kiosk for €4.50, which the committee said will help promote civic engagement and the local economy.
”We will be thorough, independent, and entirely unbiased — except for our bias towards forming more committees.”
Timeline, budget, and expected outcomes
The budget for the committee is described as “modest and sensible” by officials and “mysteriously comforting” by one anonymous civil servant who keeps a detailed spreadsheet of meeting biscuits. Costs will cover venue hire, coffee, biscuit replenishments timed to match the Gozo ferry schedule, and a two-day retreat in a venue that has excellent views of limestone façades and the Mediterranean light, which is believed to encourage consensus.
Deliverables include: a 200-page final report, an executive summary, an infographic, and a short documentary narrated in an earnest voice-over. The committee will also recommend whether future committees should include a dedicated slot for discussing parking warden morale, and whether festa fireworks should be rescheduled to avoid clashing with public consultations.
Opposition MPs called the announcement “predictable,” which is the nicest adjective available for this stage in Maltese politics, and suggested that a citizen’s assembly might be better. The government replied that it respects all views and that public feedback will be invited via a consultation form which will close precisely when everyone is asleep.
At press time, the Meta-Committee had already formed a subcommittee to decide on the subcommittee’s logo, and invitations had been printed using sustainable ink that smells faintly of pastizzi.