VALLETTA — In a move that has shocked both the pastry-loving citizens and the financial experts, the Maltese government has declared pastizzi as the official currency of Malta, introducing the ‘Pastizzollar’ to combat rising inflation and sprinkle a little flavor into the economy.
“It’s simple, really,” explained Finance Minister Karmenu as he munched on a freshly baked pastizz. “Why send money to the bank when you can send it to your stomach? Every transaction will now require a proper dabbing of spicy tomato sauce for flavor and wallet integrity.”
This revolutionary shift means that all citizens will now have to get comfortable with measuring value not just in money, but in the flaky goodness of these beloved pastries. A cup of coffee? That’ll cost you two pastizzi. A bus ride? Kind of like four pastizzi, plus a dollop of ketchup for the driver.
Pastizzis, Prices, and Peculiarities
Local bakeries are expected to thrive as they adapt to the new economic system. Pawlu, owner of Pastizzi Palace, said, “I used to sell my pastizzi for typical prices. Now, I can charge three for a euro’s worth of tomato sauce! This is the best thing since sliced bread—wait, do I get pastizzi for that too?”
“We need to ensure every citizen feels comfortable paying their pastizzi taxes,”
Indeed, the government has already outlined laws regarding how to properly handle and exchange your pastizzis. Banknotes? History. Now it’s all about the value of extra filling and whether your pie is baked or fried. “We will even be offering pastizzi investment accounts, but only for the serious pastry enthusiasts,” added Karmenu.
However, not everyone is pleased. Foreigners are confused about how to get money out of ATMs filled with pastizzi, and some are even suggesting starting a “Pastizziswap” market to trade pastry flavors directly. Zaren, a tourist from Germany, stated, “I just wanted a beer, but instead I got a pastizzi that I’m now supposed to use in the pub? How does that even work?”
Despite the mixed reactions, Maltese citizens seem to be embracing the Pastizzollar, and shops are reportedly running out of tomato sauce faster than you can say, “I’ll have a sausage pastizz, please.” At press time, Karmenu was seen launching Pastizzia, the first-ever cryptocurrency backed by pastry fillings.