VALLETTA — In an unprecedented move, the Maltese government has declared that all local cats are now required to attend fortnightly cooking classes, specifically focused on mastering the art of pastizzi. Minister for Culinary Cat Affairs, Tumas Azzopardi, stated that the decision comes from the notion that the nation’s future depends on a feline-led culinary revolution.
”Iva, you heard right! Cats are going to save pastizzi!” Azzopardi exclaimed. “They’ve been wandering around our kitchens for years, so why not teach them how to make our beloved snacks? This is a step forward for Malta’s culinary heritage!” Many fear that without this initiative, the country could face a future devoid of flaky pastries filled with delicious ricotta.
Classes will be held bi-weekly at Casa dei Gattini, famed for its exquisite herbs and 70% less dog presence. Chef Marija, a renowned cat culinary expert, believes that felines are the perfect candidates for such a task. “They have the passion and patience for fine cuisine. Plus, let’s face it: they already have the perfect taste testers in our humans!” she said, while juggling three fluffy kittens.
Public Reaction
While some residents are ecstatic about the new initiative, others are skeptical. Pawlu, a disgruntled neighbor, claimed, “Uwejja, my cat Zaren prefers sleeping on the window than making pastizzi! He won’t even touch the flour!” However, not all agree. Local kitten influencer, Carmen, took to Instagram, posting, “Kittens unite! Let’s embrace the future of pastizzi! Who’s in?” garnering over 5,000 likes.
”Cats making pastizzi will be the best thing since ħobż biż-żejt!”
Culinary classes will include sessions on flaky pastry-making techniques, ingredient selection, and the finest ways to avoid kitchen mishaps (like knocking over the flour). The Planning Authority is already drafting regulations to ensure all cats meet a strict ‘pastizzi proficiency’ upon graduating.
At press time, cats were reportedly in a heated debate over whether to include peas in their pastizzi filling, proving that the culinary future of Malta may be more complex than once thought.