VALLETTA — In a move that has baffled residents and tourists alike, the Maltese government has officially mandated that all citizens communicate exclusively in Silly Maltese, a new language comprised entirely of pastizzi orders and the rhythmic mooing of horned cattle.
‘Mela, if you want to say good morning, you just shout “żewġ pastizzi u ħobż biż-żejt, moo!”’ said Minister for National Confusion, Pawlu Zammit. ‘This is not just a language; it’s a lifestyle. Who wouldn’t want to order a snack while ensuring tourists are thoroughly puzzled?’
Critics argue this initiative could reduce clarity in everyday interactions, especially when trying to hail a bus or order a coffee. But the government insists that speaking in Silly Maltese will enhance national pride and our unique cultural identity. ‘A tourist asked me for directions, and I just mooed at them,’ said local resident Tumas, ‘I don’t even think they understand what the buses are like here!’
Positive Reactions
At the recent Valletta Band Club festa, the enthusiasm is palpable. Residents have been practicing their Silly Maltese with gusto. ‘I’ve been mooing all week! I feel more connected to my roots!’ said Marija, an avid pastizzi enthusiast. ‘It’s fun for us and utterly confusing for them!’
“I think I ordered a coffee, but I ended up with a pastizzi. Unintentional, but I’m not complaining.”
In fact, reports show a significant uptick in confused foreigners wandering around Valletta, pointing at pastizzi shops and mooing at unsuspecting locals. However, the Planning Authority is not thrilled. They are demanding clarity. ‘How can we build more roundabouts if no one understands each other?’ complained a spokesperson.
At press time, the Minister for National Confusion was reportedly mooing blissfully while munching on a pastizzi, oblivious to the chaos unfolding around him.