SLIEMA —In an unexpected turn of events, a group of Maltese dolphins has formed a union demanding the right to attend village festas. The dolphins, claiming they’ve been the backbone of Malta’s tourism, are now insisting on joining the celebrations with canons and fireworks.
”Uwejja, we’ve been attracting tourists for years!” said Ninu, a local bottlenose who’s been working the Blue Lagoon for over a decade. “Just because we swim and jump doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy some good old ħobż biż-żejt during the feasts!”
The dolphins argue that their presence brings in tourists who spend heavily on pastizzi and ice cream, contributing significantly to the Maltese economy. A recent report even suggested that their synchronized swimming is worth at least five beer fests a year.
The union of dolphins has been proactive. They’ve held several meetings, attempting to coordinate with the Planning Authority to get permits for their appearance at various local festas. So far, they’ve been met with confusion. “The Planning Authority thought we were talking about an actual festival for dolphins,” admitted Marija, a spokesperson for the union, causing both laughter and concern among the civil servants.
All Dolphins, No Problems
”We just want our turn at the fireworks! We deserve a cannon or two!”
In a bold move, the dolphins have hired an ex-local fisherman as their representative. “They’ve done more for tourism than some shops on the Sliema promenade! It’s time to recognize their contributions!” he exclaimed, waving a flag while riding a jet ski.
As preparations for the next festa begin, the dolphins have requested a “Dolphin Appreciation Day” complete with snacks made from fish-shaped pastizzi and a reserved viewing area for all the fireworks. “We’ve contributed a lot and just want to let loose like the rest of the locals,” said another member of the dolphin union while trying to convince some tourists to vote for them in the upcoming elections.
At press time, the dolphins were spotted practicing their best party tricks in front of bemused tourists. “We do have rights, after all!” they chanted, as they leaped into the roaring waves.