VALLETTA — The Maltese government has officially announced that queueing for pastizzi is now a national sport. Minister for Snacks, Pawlu Camilleri, made the declaration at a press conference surrounded by sticky pastry and half-eaten pastizzi.
”We need to embrace our customs, especially the way we wait in line for food that’s probably going to give us heartburn,” Camilleri said, while wiping pastry crumbs off his jacket. He further explained that the government plans to host annual competitions where participants will race to see who can hold the longest queue without losing patience.
Competitors must stand perfectly still while holding their place, drinking only fizzy drinks—and of course, no pushing. “Just like during rush hour at the pastizzeria in Valletta!” exclaimed 19-year-old participant Zaren Abela, who trains daily by queueing outside the local pastizzeria whenever he can.
Queue Time
The official rules include mandatory use of the iconic phrase “Mela, x’ghandna?”, often heard throughout the country as one tries to figure out what’s taking so long in line.
“It’s not about winning; it’s about how long you can keep your cool among the rabid pastizzi fans,”
Critics claim that making queueing a sport is absurd. But Camilleri argued that Malta has been training for this moment for generations, especially outside bakeries at 7am. At press time, the Olympic Committee had not returned calls, reportedly because it was still waiting in line.