VALLETTA — In a revolutionary move to foster a relaxed driving experience, Valletta’s new mayor, Karmenu, announced today that all traffic lights in the city will be set exclusively to green. Officials claim this is a part of their new ‘Mediterran-easy’ driving culture initiative, promoting a calm, stress-free approach to navigating the bustling capital.
”Mela, our drivers need to be more chill, like the sea in summer. It’s all about vibes, not rules!” Karmenu declared at a live press conference while sipping a pastizz.
Immediately, chaos erupted across Valletta. Cars speed through intersections, honking like they’re auditioning for a fireworks festa. Pawlu, a taxi driver from Birkirkara, noted, “Uwejj, I just pray to the Blessed Virgin every time I cross Merchants’ Street. It’s like Mario Kart, but with real stakes!”
Residents reported a surge in accidents, with some describing them as “creative reinterpretations of the art of driving.” With no red lights, it seems locals interpret green in various ways, creating a unique brand of what could only be described as road ballet. Motorists en route to work must now dodge not only pedestrians, but also the occasional construction site and a bewildered tourist trying to understand the new system.
Divine Intervention or Just Chaos?
Reports of drivers praying to the heavens have increased tenfold. One driver was seen shouting, “Iva, I believe in divine intervention!” while flying through Republic Street at what some might call an unreasonable speed.
”We figured, why not leave it up to God? I mean, if he can help with pastizzi, he can help with traffic!”
The Planning Authority has yet to respond to the uproar, as officials spin in circles trying to make sense of the new driving culture. Observers say this initiative has sparked a new philosophical debate among the people of Valletta: is it better to ‘drive’ or ‘survive’?
At press time, the mayor was spotted with a group of traffic wardens, all holding on to their rosaries and chanting for safer streets.