VALLETTA — In a bold move to protect local aquatic life, the Maltese government has announced that all traditional festas will now include mandatory ‘Quiet Zones’, where bands must perform exclusively underwater. The new initiative aims to preserve the tranquility of local fish species during the celebrations.
This groundbreaking decision has left many festa lovers scratching their heads. ‘Uwejj, how are we supposed to enjoy the festa without the music?’ exclaimed Tumas, a long-time festa enthusiast. ‘Are we to throw our pastizzi into the sea for the fish to enjoy instead?’ he added with a frown.
Fishermen Support the Initiative
Interestingly, the local fishermen have welcomed this idea. Pawlu, a veteran fisherman from Valletta, commented, ‘Finally! The fish can enjoy some peace. Now they can swim around without the threat of a band ruining their day.’ He also mentioned considering a new business selling underwater speakers to bands that want to adapt to this new requirement.
“This is what we’ve been waiting for. Fish deserve to have fun too!”
In a press conference, Carmen, the Minister for Traditions and Fish Welfare, explained the initiative. ‘We are ensuring that our marine life can thrive while still celebrating our culture. We’ve consulted marine biologists, who say our fish are sensitive to sound but love the energy of a festa. This is the compromise we’ve all been waiting for,’ she declared with enthusiasm.
Critics, however, are skeptical. Karmenu, a local musician, questioned the practicality of the new rules: ‘How can you play a band underwater? What about my saxophone? It’s going to drown!’ Meanwhile, traffic on the Gozo ferry is expected to increase as bands head to Comino for ‘underwater rehearsals’.
At press time, reports indicated that fish have begun to form a union to negotiate their contract with local musicians for increased underwater performances and refugee status during festas.