VALLETTA — In a highly anticipated press conference, the Maltese government unveiled its latest plan to tackle the perennial dilemma of ferry congestion. A giant catapult will be built at the Grand Harbour to launch tourist boats directly to Gozo.
Transport Minister Pawlu Montalto explained, “We are tired of the same old ferry ride. A catapult is innovative, fun, and will surely attract tourists who are tired of traditional methods of travel!”
The government claims this revolutionary technique will not only streamline travel but also reduce traffic congestion among the local seagulls, who complain about overcrowded skies during peak tourist seasons.
Seagull Scepticism
Local seagulls appeared unimpressed by the plan. “Uwejj, we’re not bothered about boats being launched like pizza from a stone oven,” one seagull squawked, clearly agitated. “We just want our pastizzi!”
“Tourists need to experience the thrill of being flung across the Mediterranean!”
The catapult project is reportedly budgeted at 5 million euros and will feature cushioned slots for travelers who prefer a gentle launch. Initial designs were inspired by ancient Roman siege engines, although some locals have noted that a catapult may not be as reliable as the traditional ferry.
Despite skepticism, the government has assured the public that safety measures will be in place. “We’ll have trained operators and an emergency net,” Montalto stated. “What could possibly go wrong?”
As plans continue, discussions are underway about potential landing zones on Gozo, with suggestions ranging from sandy beaches to awkwardly close agricultural fields raining fresh tomatoes on unsuspecting tourists.
At press time, rumors were swirling that a second catapult might also be built for local Maltese who want to visit Valletta for a day of shopping and pastizzi, though the Planning Authority has yet to approve any designs.