VALLETTA — In a shocking announcement today, the Maltese government revealed that all public transport will be replaced with traditional luzzu boats. This unprecedented decision is part of a new initiative celebrating ‘seasickness as a form of national pride,’ along with the joyful rebranding of every traffic jam as a ‘Mediterranean standstill party.‘
Minister for Transport, Marija Saliba, stated, ‘While waiting for the bus can take hours, we believe it’s time to embrace our beautiful sea. What better way than to travel on a luzzu? Yes, you might feel queasy, but that’s just our way of showing love for the Mediterranean.'
'Finally, instead of a boring bus stop, we can have a party on the water!’
The new plan will involve local fishermen being trained to manage public transport schedules while simultaneously catching fish for pastizzi fillings. ‘We expect some delays,’ Saliba admitted, ‘But if you’re late, you can always enjoy a ħobż biż-żejt while watching the sunset.’
Critics are skeptical of the plan, arguing that seasickness isn’t a true form of pride. However, the planning officer responsible for the initiative commented, ‘You might as well embrace reality. Have you been on Xenophobic Buses Malta? This is our culture, and if you can’t enjoy it, then perhaps you should consider getting seasick in style.‘
At press time, the Planning Authority had begun issuing new permits for public transport stops situated in the middle of the sea.