VALLETTA — In a shocking move that has left many scratching their heads, the Maltese government has announced the revival of the ancient tradition of the ‘pastizzi duel’. This initiative aims to counteract the growing popularity of foreign fast food outlets with a competition that involves locals consuming pastizzi at alarming speeds while reciting the national anthem backwards.
Prime Minister Robert Abela was quick to endorse the plan, stating, “This is not just about eating; it’s about restoring our national pride. We need to show that we can devour pastries and outsmart fast food at the same time. I mean, who wouldn’t choose pastizzi over burgers?” He added he is looking forward to the upcoming duel in Valletta, where contestants will need to bring their A-game—and perhaps a bib.
”We’re excited to see how this impacts our pastizzi production. Who knows, we might just hit a new world record for the maximum amount of pastizzi consumed in a single sitting!”
Experts believe this quirky contest could successfully take a bite out of the fast food market. The Planning Authority is reportedly already strategizing on how to rearrange roundabouts to accommodate the massive crowds expected to attend.
Contestants Prepare
Participants must not only chomp down as many pastizzi as possible but also recite the Maltese national anthem backwards—an added challenge that promises to make the duels hilariously chaotic.
As the news spreads, locals are equally excited and baffled. “I can’t wait to cheer for my friends at the duel,” said Marija, who is already practicing her anthem recitation with a plate of pastizzi in hand. “This is probably the only way I can feel good about eating 20 pastizzi at once!”
At press time, the government announced that the winner will be awarded a lifetime supply of pastizzi and will have an avenue named after them. Mela, who needs a McDonald’s when you can have a pastizzi duel?