MDINA — In a groundbreaking study, researchers announced that Maltese cats have officially set the record for the highest rate of returning stolen pastizzi. This achievement is now being attributed to an intensive training regimen that includes espresso shots and nightly footraces through Mdina’s narrow streets.
Dr. Karmenu Buhagiar, lead researcher, said, “We found that the cats were able to recover pastizzi 83% faster than local enforcement. The secret? Caffeine and cardio!” Experts believe the cats’ newfound agility and speed make them prime candidates for the role of ‘pastizzi recovery agents.‘
Every evening, local cats gather for rigorous training sessions. With espresso shots served fresh from the nearest cafe, cats like Puss and Tommij make sprinting through the winding alleys look like a feline Olympic event.
”These cats aren’t just motivated by hunger; they’re in it for the glory of returning our beloved pastizzi!”
The advanced pastizzi-recovery tactics have some worried. An anonymous police officer expressed concern: “These cats have taken our jobs! What’s next? Dogs solving crimes?” The study’s findings have sparked debates about whether cats should be given badges or special pastizzi recovery vestments.
The study is sure to draw mixed feelings from both cat lovers and pastizzi enthusiasts. As pawprints take over the streets of Mdina, local bakery owners are starting to wonder if they will ever enjoy a new batch of pastizzi in peace.
At press time, the police were reportedly considering releasing a new joint training program with the cats to regain their pastizzi-patrolling honor.