VALLETTA — In a bold attempt to combat overcrowding, local authorities have decided to relocate all public events to the submerged ruins of the Azure Window. Mela, who needs dry land anyway?
The new ‘underwater carnival’ promises to be the ‘most immersive’ experience in Maltese history, provided you have an oxygen tank. Attendees will be given complimentary scuba gear and fish dinners, straight from the sea. Tumas, a local resident, commented, “For years I’ve wanted to attend a festa while being slapped in the face by fish!”
Authorities insisted this daring move will not only ease daily traffic chaos but also boost tourism. Pawlu, one of the masterminds behind the project, explained, “With everyone underwater, there’ll be loads of space! Plus, who doesn’t want to listen to fireworks while submerged?” The logistics of delivering explosives underwater remain unexplained.
Concerns and Confusions
However, some are skeptical. Marija, a frequent visitor to Valletta, voiced her concerns. “What happens if I have to pee? Underwater is not where I want to test my bladder control!” It’s unclear how the Planning Authority will legally manage spontaneous bathroom needs.
“What if the fish eat the pastizzi? Disastrous!”
Despite mixed reactions, the authorities are forging ahead. A promotional video is reportedly in production, featuring smiling locals donning scuba divers’ masks while munching on ħobż biż-żejt underwater.
Valletta’s mayor has called it a “game changer,” claiming it will make Malta known worldwide for its unique events. Tourists are already flocking to book their last-minute dive lessons.
At press time, the authorities were busy sourcing waterproof firecrackers and scuba-snackbar options.