VALLETTA — In a revolutionary initiative aimed at increasing productivity, the Maltese Government has introduced ‘Siesta Saturdays,’ where all citizens must rise at dawn and then immediately return to bed for mandatory napping until Monday morning. Prime Minister Karmenu stated, “This is what Malta needs: a weekend of solid sleeping!”
The law, pushed through the parliament faster than a pastizzi can disappear from a Sunday market, was inspired by studies suggesting that well-rested citizens may actually do more than scroll through Facebook while drinking coffee.
Napping: The New National Sport
To enforce these mandatory naps, the Planning Authority plans to install special nap-monitoring sleep pods across the islands. Citizens will be required to register their siesta locations and times with local councils, or face heavy fines and possible eviction from their homes.
”I can’t believe I need a license to sleep now!”
The government has even partnered with local bakeries to offer special ‘nap snacks’—pillow-shaped pastizzi filled with sleep-inducing ingredients like chamomile and honey. “No one can resist when you’ve got pastizzi calling you to bed,” claims prominent pastry chef, Tumas.
Some have expressed concern about the practicality of this new law, citing issues like traffic jams during naptime, with the Gozo ferry likely to come to a standstill as everyone decides to snooze just before boarding.
However, authorities insist that this will be a casual arrangement, promising flexibility with sleeping hours and guaranteeing that all citizens will feel refreshed by Monday. “What’s better than a well-rested nation? A nation that sleeps together!”
Critics argue the initiative will lead to chaos on the roads—with cars just parked while the drivers take their ‘mandatory’ Sunday snooze. “Just imagine, you’re driving along, then bam! Everyone has fallen asleep!” complains Pawlu, who even suggested a ‘sleeping zone’ for the entire island.
At press time, the only thing people seemed to be awake for was their upcoming siesta. “Finally, a law that really puts us to sleep,” quipped Carmen, who intends to turn her whole house into a nap sanctuary.