MDINA — In a bold move to boost local tourism, the Maltese government announced today the transformation of the ancient Mdina catacombs into a five-star disco, complete with strobe lights and a resident DJ made entirely of limestone.
Tourism Minister Pawlu Spiteri proudly declared, “Why let our beautiful history go to waste? Instead of exploring our rich heritage, let’s get the kids to groove in a 2,000-year-old graveyard!” While some historians expressed their unease, locals seem excited at the prospect of partying where Romans once buried their dead.
”Finally, I can enjoy pastizzi while doing the cha-cha on top of ancient bones!” said Marija, a local clubgoer who claims she’s “never really liked walking around catacombs anyway.”
World’s First Limestone DJ
The resident DJ, nicknamed DJ Fragments, will be made from locally sourced limestone, in a unique art installation that promises to keep the dance floor hopping. Local artist Karmenu explained, “I thought, why not? Limestone is great at holding sound. Plus, no one can complain about his playlist—they’re all dead!"
"This will revolutionize nightlife in Malta!”
As preparations get underway, the Planning Authority has already announced plans for a parking lot outside the catacombs to accommodate the expected influx of partygoers. It will feature a drive-thru pastizzi outlet, an obvious win-win for all.
Despite the excitement, some locals are concerned about the potential for too much traffic. “Imagine the traffic lights at the Mdina roundabout! It’s going to be chaos!” lamented Zaren, a self-proclaimed traffic expert who spends his weekends counting cars.
At press time, an ancient Roman ghost was seen asking for a VIP table in the new disco, insisting that he loved a good party but hated the music.