MARSA — A local fisherman claims to have discovered the long-lost fishing net of St. Paul himself, sparking a divine tourism boom in an otherwise quiet coastal town.
Tumas, famed for his legendary catch-and-release operations, stated that the net got stuck on a seaweed-covered rock during St. Paul’s visit to Malta over 1,900 years ago. ‘Uwejjaw, this net is more than just a piece of fishing gear,’ Tumas explained. ‘It’s a sign. An omen—like when I catch a huge triglia!’
Word of the discovery has spread like wildfire. Tourists have begun flocking to the site, now dubbed the ‘Holy Ground,’ as they seek to glimpse the miraculous rock where the net supposedly went awry.
“I never thought I’d be standing where St. Paul got tangle-wangled in some seaweed!”
Local authorities have even set up small kiosks selling ‘St. Paul Seaweed’ merchandise, complete with jerseys that read “I Met St. Paul at the Rock!” True to Maltese tradition, the holy spot now also features a nearby pastizzi stand, contributing to both reverence and cholesterol levels.
The Net’s Journey to Fame
According to Tumas, the net was lost after St. Paul let it go to show the locals how to fish properly. “They say his technique was divine,” he noted while casting his own line. No one has yet confirmed how he verified the net’s authenticity, leading many to suspect it might actually just be a regular net covered in seaweed from the local beach.
At press time, Karmenu, the local parking warden, announced that beginning next week, holy parking tickets would be issued for visitors who fail to pay to park near the miraculous site. ‘What is a holy site without a little financial penance?’ he declared, leaning into his clipboard.