VALLETTA — In a landmark decision, the Maltese government has announced that all public holidays will now take place on a floating ship anchored in the Grand Harbour. Officials cited the need for ‘unlimited space for fireworks and pastizzi’ as the primary reason for this extraordinary migration.
Prime Minister Robert Abela stated, “Ara, we need a place where we can really let loose during festa season. A floating party means we can have fireworks going off in every direction, and don’t forget all the pastizzi we can serve without worrying about running out of space.”
The ship will be equipped with a fully operational kitchen dedicated to baking pastizzi, with three types offered: ricotta, pea, and the new option featuring a subtle blend of crab and abandonment issues. A fireworks display is scheduled for each major public holiday, ensuring that at least one resident of Malta will always complain about the noise.
Concerns about the Plan
Residents have raised eyebrows about the logistics of moving entire families onto a ship. “Uwejj, my two kids can’t even manage on a ferry to Gozo without throwing up,” complained local father Tumas. “How will they survive on an actual boat for a full day of fireworks?”
Despite the skepticism, business owners around the harbour are thrilled. “More tourists will come to see the fireworks,” said Marija, who runs a pastizzerija near the waterfront. “They’ll spend all their money on pastizzi and drinks, and that’s good for everyone, except maybe the boat.”
“If anything goes wrong with the ship, at least we’ll have fireworks to distract from the panic!”
As plans progress, critics have suggested that the government is simply looking to prepare for a more extravagant next year’s festa season. For now, one thing is certain: everyone is extremely optimistic about the prospect of eating pastizzi while dodging firework debris.
At press time, rumors circulated that the ship would also include a dedicated section for traffic wardens to ensure no one parks in the harbour.