VALLETTA — In a move that has left many scratching their heads, the Maltese government announced today that all cats must pass an official language exam in Maltese by 2025. The Ministry for Feline Affairs claims it’s time for these furry loafers to contribute to the national economy.
Citing the high number of cats lounging around instead of working, Minister Karmenu stated, “Cats have enjoyed decades of free living while the human populace pays taxes and works hard. It’s time for them to step up!” In a town where unemployment is already a hot topic, it seems the government has decided that furry companions can also pull their weight.
The language exam, dubbed “Maltese Meowology,” will test cats on common phrases, local slang, and their ability to integrate with Maltese culture. This includes knowing how to order a pastizz correctly and understanding references to the Gozo ferry.
Opposition from Cat Advocates
Cat advocates are not pleased. Marija, a local cat lover, said, “How can we expect them to learn Maltese? All they do is nap and chase pigeons! Does the government think they’ll magically talk after this exam?” Many are questioning whether this initiative is a ploy to rid the islands of underperforming kitties.
“Mela, if they can’t speak, they shouldn’t stay!”
The law also includes provisions for an annual “Cat Olympics,” where felines who score high on language exams can compete for the title of “Best Local Cat.” Rumours suggest that this event will feature categories like “Best Purring” and “Fastest Napper.”
At press time, local cats were reportedly preparing for the exam by practicing their meows while humans stocked up on pastizzi to bribe their felines into studying. Many believe that if the cats can master the language, they might actually take more interest in helping their owners with the laundry.