VALLETTA — In an unprecedented move against climate change, the Maltese government has announced plans to install giant umbrellas over Valletta. They claim this will create a ‘micro-microclimate’ ideal for winter sunbathing.
Health Minister Karmenu said, “We feel that by providing shade, we can combat the rising temperatures caused by climate change. Plus, who doesn’t want to catch some rays while seated under a giant umbrella?” Mela, how can anyone argue with that logic?
The ambitious project aims to solve the emerging ‘beach sand shortage’ by redistributing the lost sand from the beaches to local cafes. Mario, owner of Kafè Sand, explained their new menu. “We will be serving artisanal espresso sand cakes. Finally, a sweet taste of the beach without having to suffer from sunburn or hot sand!”
Critics of the plan have raised concerns about cost, claiming it’s more expensive than a round trip on the Gozo ferry, but the government insists on its benefits. The Planning Authority stated, “This will boost tourism, and tourists love quirky stuff. Plus, no one can say no to a good sand cake!”
“The umbrellas will also shield the city from traffic, which really puts a damper on the sunbathing experience.”
Environmentalist Marija pointed out that this is an unusual way to approach climate change. “Instead of planting trees or reducing traffic, we’re putting umbrellas. But hey, free sand cakes, I guess!”
At press time, foreign tourists were seen wandering around Valletta trying to take selfies with the oversized umbrellas while asking confused locals if they could still order pastizzi under them. No reply was given.