ST. JULIAN’S — In a twist worthy of a Maltese telenovela, local fisherman Ġanni Grech has invented a revolutionary ‘squid-scented sunscreen’ after being rejected from a chic spa in St. Julian’s. His aim? To protect both the skin from sunburn and locals from unwanted tourists.
A Rejection That Sparked Innovation
Grech was reportedly turned away from the spa with a sneer. “They told me I didn’t fit the ‘spa aesthetic’ because of my fishing attire,” said Grech, who was proudly wearing his blue and white striped ‘ħobż biż-żejt’ shirt and a pair of flip-flops that screamed ‘authentic Maltese’. “But their loss is the whole Mediterranean’s gain!”
Determined to prove them wrong, Grech returned to his fishing boat and began experimenting with leftover squid ink and various skin moisturizers. “I thought, if they don’t want me in their fancy spa, I’ll create a product that no self-respecting tourist would dare to use!"
"I’m not only repelling tourists, but I’m pretty sure it works against sunburn too—just ask my cousin who works in the emergency room.”
The Scent of Success
The result? A sunscreen infused with a bold squid aroma that Grech insists is “totally innovative.” His slogan: “Avoid the burn, dodge the foreigners!” With this new weapon in hand, he’s marketing to locals tired of crowded beaches and overpriced cocktails.
”Here’s the thing: when everyone smells like a fishing village, only the brave will dare come near,” Grech explained. “And at the same time, you’re still protected from the rays of the sun. It’s a win-win!” However, experts from the Malta Tourism Authority are concerned that this fragrant creation could actually attract certain types of tourists.
From Fisherman’s Dream to Reality
Grech’s creation quickly gained traction on social media, with videos of locals applying the squid-scented lotion at local festas going viral. “It’s not just a sunscreen; it’s a lifestyle choice,” said local influencer and ‘pastizzi connoisseur’ Mireille Spiteri. “We all long for the days when our beaches were less like the Isle of Capri and more like Għar Lapsi!”
Skeptics, however, remain. A group of tourists tested the product at a St. Julian’s beach party and found the scent reminiscent of a particularly fishy kōl ħobż. “I was just here for the sun, not to smell like dinner,” one confused tourist remarked, abandoning Grech’s stand in search of a more traditional sunscreen.
”I don’t even like squid. Can we get some coconut flavor over here? This is Malta, not a seafood market!”
A Future Uncertain
Despite the mixed reviews, Grech is undeterred. “The key is to keep innovating! Next, I might try a ‘freshly caught fish’ face cream. That should really up the ante,” he declared optimistically. “Maybe I’ll even pitch it to that spa who rejected me. What do they know about success, anyway?”
Experts are closely watching the results of Grech’s entrepreneurial endeavor. Meanwhile, the Planning Authority has reported an unusual increase in fishing excursions on weekends, as locals seek the “authentic” experience. “We aim to fight the rising tide of tourism with the natural scent of the sea,” Grech promises.
At press time, a group of fishermen was observed arguing over the best way to bottle squid scent while a new batch of tourists became stranded in Għajnsielem, mistaking their guides for a squid-catching tour.