VALLETTA — In a groundbreaking initiative that has left drivers scratching their heads, the Maltese government has announced plans to replace all traffic lights with traditional gbejniet. Authorities claim this new cheesy system will not just look good in the sun, but will also reduce driver aggression by encouraging motorists to stop and snack.
”It’s simple. Just picture it: you arrive at a red light — or should I say, a red gbejna. You stop, you take a bite, and suddenly you’re calm. No more honking, no more shouting,” explained Minister for Fast Food and Safety, Karmenu Chetcuti. “And the best part? Gbejna is going to be subsidized by the government, so no excuses!”
Consultants say that this initiative borrows from proven traffic calming methods used around Europe, like the ‘cheesey roundabout’ seen in France. Local experts, however, are skeptical. While visiting Valletta, Zaren, a taxi driver, said, “Mela, I just hope I can find a gbejna that’s not gone off. The last thing I need is a stomachache while driving through Mdina.”
Snack Time at Every Intersection
The government will roll out the new plan in stages. According to projections, all major intersections will be equipped with gbejniet by summer 2024, just in time for the festa season. In another bold move, the local Planning Authority has been tasked with ensuring these cheese wheels are made with quality ingredients.
“This will also help promote local agriculture. We’re doing our part for the farmers too.”
Drivers are also concerned about the practicality of this initiative. Carmen, a resident of Sliema, expressed her doubts: “Uwejj, what if I’m in a rush? I don’t have time to stop for gbejna! If I wanted to get delayed, I’d just take the Gozo ferry!”
Meanwhile, traffic wardens are reportedly in favor of the plan. With no more tickets to hand out for running red lights, they’re hoping to collect more empty gbejna wrappers instead. In warden Ivan’s words, “Finally, I can serve the community without having to stand in the sun all day collecting fines. I’ll just sit and snack!“
At press time, traffic lights across the islands were seen protesting in silent resignation, as they prepared to be replaced by Malta’s finest cheese. Tonight’s headlines might have to be expanded to include ‘drivers jammed up on gbejniet’ as a new traffic hazard.