MARSA — A local fisherman, Tumas Micallef, made headlines this week after announcing he had captured the legendary ‘Maltese Kraken’ in the waters off Marsa. Excited villagers gathered as Tumas unveiled what he believed to be a maritime marvel. However, the joy was short-lived when the ‘creature’ turned out to be nothing more than a giant plastic bag filled with leftover pastizzi from the village festa.
Tumas, who described the moment as ‘the catch of a lifetime,’ said, ‘I saw it thrashing around and thought, ‘Uwejj, this is it!’ I was ready to become famous!’ The excitement quickly turned into confusion as the pungent smell of leftover ricotta and peas filled the air.
Locals rushed to inspect the so-called Kraken, some even trying to take selfies with it. ‘I thought it was the end of days!’ said Marija, a local baker. ‘But it turned out to be just a bag of leftover ħobż biż-żejt that nobody wanted. Not even the seagulls!'
'Honestly, I should have recognized the signs. The Krakens are supposed to be terrifying, not covered in tomato sauce.’
Marine biologists, however, warned that this incident might be a slippery slope for Malta. Local expert Zaren Scicluna stated, ‘If we keep throwing our rubbish in the sea, soon we’ll be catching mythical creatures left and right.’ He added, ‘Next time, it could be a plastic bottle version of the Minotaur.‘
Meanwhile, the village is considering naming the leftover pastizzi as an honorary official dish, possibly even starting a new festival around it. ‘Pastizzi Against the Kraken’ has already been suggested, drawing inspiration from the legendary tales mixed with this delicious disaster.
At press time, Tumas was seen attempting to catch ‘the real Kraken’ with a fishing rod made of leftover tin foil and pastizzi crumbs.