VALLETTA — In a shocking turn of events, the Maltese government has officially recognized pastizzi as a valid currency. The announcement came during a spontaneous press conference where Prime Minister Robert Abela held a warm pastizzi in one hand and a tax form in the other.
“Uwejj, enough is enough! Why are we valuing euros over pastizzi? They are a true symbol of Malta!” said Abela, who later confirmed that a single pastizz is now worth two euros. As the news spread, chaos erupted across the nation as citizens began rushing to assess the value of their leftover dough and engage in frantic barter.
Local Market Goes Bananas
“I had no idea my freezer was a goldmine!” exclaimed Marija, a local mother of three. “I thought I was just hoarding some old pastizzi for emergency snacks! Now I can buy that new phone and a bag of groceries, all for just one pastizz!” Marija’s neighbor, Tumas, was busy trading a half-eaten pastizz for a ‘Cuqlin Kebab’ while trying to convince the vendor that it was a rare vintage.
“This could either save us or destroy us. I’m not sure!”
As locals lined up outside pastizzeriji, the Maltese central bank scrambled to issue new bills made entirely of pastry. “We’ve looked into it, and we think it’s a wise decision,” said a spokesperson, gesturing at a stack of freshly baked pastizzi. “The oil is cheaper than paper, and if inflation rises, we can just fry more.”
Pawlu, a veteran in the black market of leftover pastizzi, welcomed this bold move. “Now, I can sell my extra pastizzi for actual euros! I’ve got my eye on a new Gozo ferry ticket!”
However, experts are worried. “Listen, this isn’t just about food; it’s about our economy,” said economist Carmen. “If we keep this up, soon we’ll be using twirli as investment vehicles.”
At press time, a new app was launched allowing users to scan pastizzi for current market value, and people were reported signing contracts to mortgage their houses for a crate of pastizzi. Mela, only in Malta!