VALLETTA — In a bold move to reclaim their territory, Maltese fishermen have declared war on plastic bags, accusing them of stealing their catch. The fishermen, led by self-proclaimed captain Maxwel, are organizing a grand fishing competition that will only allow plastic bags to compete for the prestigious ‘Best Catch’ trophy.
Maxwel told reporters, “These bags are swimming around like they own the place. They’re the real poachers here! We’ve had enough! It’s time to show them who’s boss.” The competition is set to take place next month off the coast of Marsaxlokk, and instead of fish, it will focus entirely on the notorious floating plastic menace.
Rubbish Won’t Catch Itself
According to fishermen, plastic bags have become so prevalent that they’re now stealing fish from the nets. “Every time we pull up our nets, it’s just bags after bags! They’re getting bolder!” lamented local fisherman Tumas. “The fish? They’re phobia to even swim near us. It’s embarrassing.”
“We’re fed up. So we want to see who can catch the biggest bag! And as a prize, they’ll get a car tire we painted gold. It’s very prestigious.”
The grand competition promises to attract plastic-loving spectators from all over Malta. Locals have already started betting on which bag could outperform the others. Options include the classic supermarket bag and the more elusive multipurpose carryall.
As the competition date draws near, the Planning Authority is staying silent, while environmentalists are scratching their heads. “Are they really going through with this?” said activist Marija. “What’s next, a pasta-eating contest where the pasta is made from plastic?”
At press time, fishermen were stocking up on bait—rumors say they’re considering tossing in some leftover pastizzi to lure the bags closer.