VALLETTA — In a move that has left many scratching their heads, the Maltese government announced today the introduction of a mandatory ‘Festa Attire’ dress code for all civil servants. The new policy requires that each staff member wear a sequined shawl and carry a pastizzi at all times to ‘promote national pride and boost morale’ in the workplace.
Prime Minister Robert Abela explained the initiative, stating, “Wearing a shawl is not just fashion; it’s our culture! And what’s a festa without pastizzi? Nothing!” Under the new rules, office workers are expected to find their nearest pastizzeria before reporting to work and should be seen, at all times, doing the ‘festa shuffle’ in their cubicles.
“A pastizzi a day keeps the stress away,”
The guidelines don’t stop there. Civil servants must also learn a simple dance choreographed to the tune of ‘Fun Għaxra’ to enhance productivity during coffee breaks. Critics have raised eyebrows over the potential for productivity losses due to excessive snacking.
In response to these concerns, a spokesperson from the Planning Authority was quick to assure the public, “The pastizzi will be a full-size and an essential part of the uniform. We expect an increase in happiness, which should counterbalance any potential decrease in efficiency.”
The initiative has gained mixed reactions from the public. Many have voiced their concerns about the practicality of sequined shawls in the workplace, especially during the summer heat. Others have embraced the change, dubbing it the “Pastizzi Renaissance.” Local fashionistas have already started designing shoes to match: “Pastizzi heels are the next big thing,” said renowned designer Zaren Pace.
At press time, office workers were reported to be fighting over who gets the pastizzi from the main supplier as workplace morale skyrocketed yet traffic around Valletta completely ground to a halt. We can only hope for the best.