VALLETTA — A group of Maltese fishermen have officially declared war on local seagulls after a wave of mysterious disappearances of their prized seasoned rabbit stew.
According to the fishermen, these notorious birds have been seen flying south for the winter, apparently in cahoots with a secret gourmet chef in Gozo. “We believe they are not just stealing fish but stealing our culture, one recipe at a time!” said Pawlu, a local fisherman.
”They don’t even fly south for the winter. They fly for gourmet tips! This is an attack on the heart of Maltese cooking!”
Witnesses report seeing the seagulls circling suspiciously above local markets, seemingly plotting their next feathered heist. “One minute, they were just squawking about pastizzi, and the next, I see them dive-bombing spices from my cart! Uwejjja!” shouted Marija, a market vendor.
Fishermen are now organizing patrols along the shores, armed with rods and buckets of flour for throwing. “This is war. We will protect our precious rabbit stew, even if it means battling birds!” proclaimed Karmenu, the self-appointed General of the Seagull Defense Unit.
Seagulls Take Flight
Local authorities are concerned that the seagulls might be developing a taste for all kinds of Maltese cuisine. There are rumors of birds being seen with ħobż biż-żejt tucked under their wings.
“Last week, I spotted one trying to carry a bottle of local olive oil. What will it be next, figolla?”
The Planning Authority is investigating whether these seagulls are operating a black market for gourmet recipes. A few fishermen have suggested they start a local culinary school for seagulls, as a way to divert their attention back to traditional fish. “Let’s just teach them to cook pasta instead! It’s the least they can do!” added Tumas with fervor.
At press time, the fishermen were preparing for a massive rabbit stew cook-off as bait to lure the seagulls back home. Meanwhile, the seagulls were spotted booking flights to Gozo for a gourmet retreat.