VALLETTA — In an unprecedented move, the Maltese government has decided to replace all national landmarks with life-sized replicas of the beloved pastizzi. This decision comes after extensive studies showed that tourists feel much more at home surrounded by flaky pastry than ancient temples or fortifications.
The proposal, unveiled by Tourism Minister Karmenu Bartolo, aims to create a new, pastry-centric identity for Malta. “Uwejjaj, we know how much tourists love our pastizzi, so why not build the whole country around them?” he said, while munching on a veggie pastizz. “Imagine standing in front of a giant pastizz where the Azure Window used to be. It’s like heaven!"
"This will put Malta on the map! No more boring monuments, just delicious pastry!”
The move has been met with mixed reactions. Some locals, like Marija, a shop owner in Valletta, see the humor in the idea. “At least people will have something to take pictures of, and they can finally say they ‘visited’ a pastizz!” She laughed, adding, “Just don’t forget the ketchup on the side!”
However, not everyone is convinced. Zaren, a history buff, expressed concern. “What about our heritage? I love my pastizzi, but I don’t want to replace the Knights of St. John with pastry! What’s next, a qassata for the Parliament building?” he lamented.
Plan in Full Swing
The government has already begun discussions with local bakers and architectural firms to design the new landmarks. Plans include turning the Ġgantija temples in Gozo into giant filata pastizzi and replacing Fort St. Elmo with an enormous cheese pastizz that can serve as a viewing platform for tourists.
”Just imagine the traffic jams! Tourists won’t know when to get out of the bus— they’ll be too busy trying to take selfies with the pastizzi!” said Pawlu, a local bus driver.
At press time, reports indicated that planning applications for the new pastry landmarks were already submitted to the Planning Authority, along with a request for a large-scale pastizz festival to celebrate the launch.