VALLETTA — In a historic move causing confusion and excitement, the Maltese government has declared that all public holidays will now be celebrated exclusively on the third Tuesday of every month. Minister for Public Stupidity, Pawlu Borg, announced the decision after ‘extensive consultations’ with the country’s top rabat-based cat influencers.
”We felt it was time to unify our holidays into one fabulous day, rather than risk the chaos of overlapping festivities,” said Borg, adjusting his cat-patterned tie. “And who better to consult than our feline influencers? They know how to create a buzz, especially on social media!"
"We’ve been purring for a change, and it’s time the government listened to us. Cats deserve more holidays!”
This decision has already sparked a variety of reactions across the islands. Pensions, work shifts, and even pharmacy hours are in a state of chaos as everyone grapples with the implications of having a singular day for festivities.
Local pizza shop owner, Karmenu, commented, “Mela, how can we celebrate Santa Marija, L-Istrina, and Jum il-Ħelsien on the same day? When do I sell my pastizzi?” Meanwhile, one traffic warden expressed his relief: “Less public holidays means less time off for me. I’ll take my holidays whenever I want, thank you very much!”
Cat Influencers Unite
According to sources, the decision was based heavily on the public’s recent obsession with social media cats. The ministers believe that all holidays should be cat-centric to remain relevant. As a result, national cat-inspired parades are now expected to take place monthly, featuring everything from cat-shaped fireworks to pastizzi designed like famous felines.
Karmenu’s pizza shop plans to introduce a new cat pizza with sardines and a sprinkle of catnip, ensuring that everyone—the two-legged and four-legged—has something to enjoy on the special holiday.
”It’s revolutionary! If the cats aren’t happy, why should we be?”
At press time, rabat cat influencers were rumoured to be holding auditions for all future holiday parades, citing the need for higher standards in feline representation.