VALLETTA — In a shocking announcement, the Maltese government has declared the traditional ‘Kinnie on a Sunday’ ritual a national sport. Media pundits are still reeling as the plan includes a league table, championship cups, and mandatory training sessions. Uwejjatew, it’s serious.
The initiative aims to attract international tourism, with tourists expected to sign up for rigorous orange soda tasting and competitive pastizzi eating. Tourism Minister Marija Attard proudly stated, “We’re showing the world that our national sport involves sitting slowly and enjoying our iconic drink while eating pastizzi. We’re basically athletes in 15 minutes of fame!”
“This is not just a sport, it’s a lifestyle,”
Training camps will be set up across Malta, with sessions reportedly including endurance trials featuring the classic combination of Kinnie and ġbejniet. Local expert Karmenu has been enlisted to coach competitors in the fine art of balancing a plate of pastizzi while performing an advanced Kinnie toast. Iva, the pressure will be immense!
Critics argue there’s no demand for such a sport, with many foreigners still confused about why the locals drink orange soda on Sundays. “I came for culture, not for competitive Kinnie tasting!” lamented tourist Zaren, who was baffled by the prospect of participating in a sport that involves sitting down. “What’s next, pastizzi yoga?”
However, the government is forging ahead. Plans for the premier Kinnie Championship Cup are set for next year, featuring a trophy that resembles a giant Kinnie bottle. Attendees will also receive complimentary piles of pastizzi. Uwejjatew, that’s what we call motivation!
Local trades are already cashing in on the hype, with shops selling ‘Kinnie athlete’ merchandise and the Planning Authority already giving licenses for ‘Kinnie training zones’ around Valletta. Alibaba-style responses from fans worldwide have flooded in, with many pledging to travel to Malta to partake in the inaugural championship.
At press time, the government announced its next sport could be ‘Bus Queueing’ as a way to elevate Malta’s signature traffic jams into a competitive event.