VALLETTA — In a surprising twist to public transportation, the Maltese government has revealed plans to replace all public buses with colorful fishing boats. The boats will supposedly navigate a new network of canals that will be dug through the islands using — get this — spoons.
”This is the best news we’ve had since pastizzi became a food group,” said local fisherman Tumas, as he stood beside a can of tuna on his boat. “We’ve always wanted to bring the sea to the roads. Who needs traffic jams when you can float past all the chaos?”
Despite the project sounding like the latest idea from a drunken festa, the Parliamentary Secretary for Transport, Karmenu Bonello, declared, “This is a game changer! Just think of the tourists. Instead of waiting for the bus, they’ll wait to hop on a nice, cozy boat. What’s more Maltese than fishing and driving in water?”
Canal Construction Plans
Construction is set to begin next week, with local authorities using spoon-digging techniques borrowed from grandmother’s cooking. Marija, who regularly stands in the bus queue at Baħar iċ-Ċagħaq, said, “I can’t wait for my ferry to work. Imagine the views! I’ll actually see something different than just asphalt and the usual rush of Ġoġġo and Dokkijiet traffic jams.”
However, not everyone is sold on the idea. “Uwejjja, how will they manage in winter?” said local businessman Pawlu. “How do you park a boat? Do I just leave it in the middle of the street? Or do I keep a large anchor in my back pocket?”
“We’ll figure it out as we go! Isn’t that the Maltese way?”
Critics also wonder how the new system will address the issue of punctuality. After all, a fishing boat has waves to contend with, unlike a bus. However, authorities stress that any delays will now be due to “excessive fishing” rather than poor planning.
At press time, residents were reportedly lining up to buy boat permits instead of ferry tickets, with some even suggesting adding a few pastizzi stands on board.