VALLETTA — In a move that has baffled many, the Maltese government announced that starting next year, all public holidays will be officially replaced with a mandatory ‘Pastizzi Day.’ Citizens are required to spend the day consuming pastizzi and sitting through formal presentations on the rich history of pastry-making in Malta.
According to Minister for Deliciousness, Karmenu Spiteri, “Pastizzi are not just food; they’re a way of life. We believe that by dedicating every holiday to pastizzi, we will strengthen our national identity and our waistlines!” This decision comes after extensive research showed that 80% of Maltese people feel pastizzi are underappreciated.
Many locals are excited. Marija, a Sliema resident, said, “Finally! A holiday where I can eat pastizzi guilt-free! I mean, it’s for the nation, right?” Meanwhile, others are raising eyebrows. Pawlu, an economist, questioned, “What happens to other holidays like Christmas and Independence Day? Are we really going to learn about pastry-making instead of celebrating? Is there a pastizzi tree?�“
Workplaces Prepare for the Day
Local businesses are scrambling to adjust. One bakery, Pastizzerija Tal-Ħobż, has reported a spike in orders. Owner Tumas said, “I didn’t think the government could get crazier after the ‘No Traffic’ policy, but here we are! I’ve hired extra bakers to keep up with the demand for pastizzi!” Stress tests might be implemented, with employees required to eat a minimum of ten pastizzi before clocking out.
“My office is already preparing a PowerPoint on the evolution of the pastizz, complete with samples. I can’t wait!”
At press time, the Planning Authority is working on a statue of a giant pastizz to be erected in Republic Street to commemorate this sacred day. With the deadline approaching, the statue is expected to be a delightful eyesore.