VALLETTA — In a revolutionary step towards efficiency, the Maltese government has decided all official documents must now be written in the newly created language of ‘Maltese Whispers.’ This quirky mix of riddles, local gossip, and the sound of a doorbell is intended to confuse bureaucrats into speeding up the approval process.
“We know that bureaucrats just love to drag their feet,” said Minister for Paperwork, Tumas Zammit. “So we thought, why not make it interesting? If we throw in some riddles about pastizzi and gossip about the latest festa, they might just work faster.”
Sources say that the first official document written in Maltese Whispers consisted entirely of a question about whether you can wear sandals with socks while discussing the best ħobż biż-żejt shops in Birkirkara while simultaneously ringing a doorbell. “It’s like a puzzle and a conversation all in one!” exclaimed local resident Karmenu.
Confusion Ensues
The change has resulted in a mixed bag of reactions from the public. While some are excited about the playful nature of the new language, others are baffled. “I’m still trying to figure out what a ‘festa of doorbell chimes’ means for my building permit,” complained Marija, a frustrated resident of Sliema.
“I just want to renovate my kitchen, not solve the riddle of the Sphinx!”
The government hopes that this innovative approach will not only cut down on the back-and-forth communication delays but also spark creativity among citizens. For example, a proposal to acquire Gozo ferry dock permits will now be expressed as: “If a boat leaves Comino on a Wednesday, how many licks does it take to get to the other side of my dreams?”
At press time, reports indicated that planning officers were busy forming local gossip circles instead of reviewing permits.