VALLETTA — In a historic move announced on Monday, the Maltese government revealed that all public holidays will be replaced with mandatory ‘Fenkata Days.’ Citizens will now celebrate by devouring rabbit stew while dressed as local historical figures, starting with an explosive reenactment of the Great Siege of 1565 featuring inflatable cannons.
”Iva, xi ħaġa like this has never been done before! It’s a new chapter for Maltese culture and a fantastic way to remember our history while stuffing our faces,” said Minister for Culture, Karmenu Fenech, eyes gleaming at the thought of everyone gulping down stew dressed as knights and damsels.
The first Fenkata Day will be held next month, with installations for inflatable cannons already being set up at prominent historical sites like Fort St. Angelo and the Upper Barracca Gardens. Local historians have been hired to ensure even the costumes reflect the era accurately, so don’t be surprised if you spot a few people in awkwardly crafted shirts and very questionable wigs.
”We believe this will not only culturalise our nation but also take care of our obesity problem—who can resist a plate of fenkata?”
Maltese citizens are split on the decision. Marija, a Sliema resident, expressed her concerns: “Uwejja, it sounds a bit too crazy. What if I want to wear my normal clothes? I can’t be a knight every day! And who eats stew in July?” Meanwhile, others are excited about the prospect: “Mela, finally a holiday with good food! Plus, inflatable cannons? Ara, I’m in!”
The government will monitor compliance closely, with fines for anyone caught not participating in their historical outfit. Local authorities have assured citizens that they will be preparing enough rabbit stew to accommodate the influx of visitors and re-enactors, though some worry what happens when they run out. Maybe inflatable bunnies will come in to save the day?
At press time, reports indicated that the Planning Authority had started legislating special permits for inflatable weaponry.