VALLETTA — In an unprecedented announcement, the Maltese government has declared the iconic pastizzi a national sport, igniting a wave of excitement and starch-filled enthusiasm among its citizens. Every summer, competitors will now have the chance to hurl steaming hot pastries across the Grand Harbour, aiming to land them in a traditional luzzu.
The competition is designed to boost tourism, carbohydrate consumption, and perhaps even cholesterol levels, as participants launch these flaky delights with precision and flair. It is estimated that the first annual “Pastizzi Throw” will attract both locals and tourists, eager to witness culinary athleticism at its finest.
Contest Details Announced
Local talent scout, Zaren, is looking for contestants already. “Just imagine, instead of Olympic medals, we get golden pastizzi! Now that’s a sports trophy I can get behind!” he said, taking a hearty bite out of his fourth cheese pastizzi of the day.
“We wanted to find something that showcases our culture while giving everyone the excuse to eat more pastizzi,”
Rules for the competition are simple: each contestant must throw a pastizz from a designated spot on the Valletta waterfront, trying to land it into one of the many colorful luzzi. Bonus points will be awarded for style, distance, and likelihood of third-degree burns.
Officials believe this new sport will not only strengthen Malta’s culinary reputation but also establish the nation as a hub for absurd sports. Local business owners are already cashing in; pastizzi factories are offering special weights for practice in the weeks leading up to the event.
At press time, the Planning Authority was still trying to figure out whether a pastizzi factory can be built under the Grand Harbour.