VALLETTA — In a move that has left Maltese citizens scratching their heads and wondering how to fry a fish, the government has announced that all future public holidays will officially be replaced with ‘Fish & Chips Day’. This decision aims to celebrate the island’s extraordinary ability to have absolutely no connection to either fish or chips.
Minister for Cultural Nonsensical Affairs, Pawlu ‘Ta’ Kumpanija’ Gatt, said in a press conference, “We felt it was time to embrace our rich culinary identity, which, let’s be honest, does not include fish or chips. We love the idea of frying, and what better way to symbolize that than with a national holiday that literally means nothing?”
Local chef Marija, who has never cooked fish in her life, expressed her bewilderment. “I always thought the national dish was pastizzi. Now, I guess I need to learn how to deep fry something that I don’t even serve? Uwejjah! Kemm għamilt fiż-żmien!”
Public Reaction Divided
Not everyone is on board with this new holiday. Residents on the island are divided. Some are looking forward to the day off, while others are frustrated by the lack of actual fish and chips available. “I thought we’d be getting a big feast of fish and chips at least,” lamented Zaren, a disgruntled fisherman. “Issa b’xi ħaġa oħra, after all my hard work?”
“What are we celebrating? The absence of food? Only in Malta!”
An event is planned for the first Fish & Chips Day, which will include potato sack races, a ‘Fish Face’ competition, and a parade of cardboard fish floats. The government promises the event will be sponsored by local pastizzi shops with an emphasis on their non-fish and non-chip offerings.
At press time, traffic was already worse than usual as people flocked to the nearest fast-food chains to ask, “Do you have fish and chips?” Only to be met with empty stares and the sound of crickets in response.