VALLETTA — In a move that has stunned both citizens and foreign tourists alike, the Maltese government announced today that all pigeons in Valletta will be granted official citizenship. This unprecedented decision means the feathered residents will have the right to vote in local elections, provided they can accurately identify their favourite pastizzi filling.
Prime Minister Karmenu Sciberras stated, “We are a nation of inclusivity. It’s time we recognized the contributions of our beloved pigeons. They keep the squares lively and sometimes even act as our dustbins. Plus, who can resist a pastizz?” The specific criteria for voting involve the pigeons selecting from a range of fillings — ricotta, pea, and even the exclusive chicken with a hint of chili.
Learning Curve for Local Birds
Local ornithologist, Dr. Marija Pace, expressed mixed feelings about the new law. “Pigeons are intelligent, but whether they can pick a filling is another matter entirely. They usually just eat what they find. I mean, how many have even tried the gerozzi pastizz?” She emphasized the need for special training and a series of democratic workshops, suggesting an annual ‘Pastizzi Olympics’ for pigeons.
“If they vote for ħobż biż-żejt instead of pastizzi, we have a problem.”
Critics argue that the decision is a blatant attempt to boost voter turnout in Valletta. Local farmer, Pawlu Micallef, voiced his skepticism: “Next thing you know, they’ll let the cats vote. What’s next? The goats? As long as they can fill out a form and name the filling, I guess it’s fine.”
Meanwhile, planning authorities are already looking into creating larger voting stations that cater to the needs of their new citizens. Seats will be installed specifically for tired pigeons and benches for the elderly, which is expected to cost the local council a fortune. The project is expected to surpass original budgets, proving once again that when it comes to construction in Malta, no one is surprised.
At press time, pigeons were spotted debating amongst themselves whether to support the proposal or stick with their breadcrumbs.