MDINA — In a groundbreaking decision, the Ministry of Fishery has declared that all new pizza restaurants in Malta must now cultivate their tomatoes on the rooftops of Mdina. The move aims to preserve the traditional art of ‘rooftop gardening’ while tackling the rising seagull menace that has learned to swipe pizza toppings with the precision of a Maltese master chef.
According to the ministry, this initiative will serve a dual purpose: promoting local agriculture and ensuring that nobody’s hawaiian pizza is ever ruined by a diving seagull. “We must protect our pizzas!” declared Minister Toni Karmenu. “If seagulls want the toppings, they have to earn them from our roofs!”
Local restaurant owners are already scrambling. Marija, owner of a new pizzeria dubbed ‘PizZilla’, said, “I was just about to order my tomatoes from Italy, and now I’m expected to start farming? What next, growing mushrooms on the Valletta rooftops?” Ha! Who needs mushrooms when you have seagulls stealing your pepperoni?
Seagulls vs. Rooftop Agriculture
Local seagull expert Pawlu Mifsud attributes the rise in seagull thefts to the longstanding tradition of enjoying pizza by the sea. “These birds are dangerous! They know what they want, and they want it cheesy!” he exclaimed, while dodging a dive bomber. Experts fear that if the local population does not embrace rooftop gardening quickly, pizza toppings may become a rare commodity.
“I’ve already lost three pizzas to beaks this week!”
In a shocking turn of events, several entrepreneurs are viewing the rooftop gardening mandate as an opportunity. One ambitious chef has announced plans to open a rooftop pizzeria called ‘Tomato Heist’. “We will have the freshest tomatoes, and we’ll make sure the seagulls pay for their own toppings—like a pizza buffet for birds!”
Local councils are now debating whether rooftop tomato growing will become the new norm for eateries, or if they should create dedicated ‘seagull safe zones’ instead. In the meantime, residents of Mdina are preparing for an influx of new eatery odor wafting through the historic streets, along with the odd ‘swoop’ from a rogue seagull looking for a snack.
At press time, pizza restaurant licenses were temporarily suspended while all future applicants struggled to find rooftop space free of lurking seagulls.