VALLETTA —In a shocking move, the Maltese government has decided to relocate all ancient megaliths to Gozo, claiming it will resolve the ongoing parking crisis in St. Julian’s. The decision comes as local tourists express outrage, stating they preferred snapping selfies with the stones amidst the nightlife, not by the Ġgantija Temples.
”We are getting complaints, and rightly so,” said Pawlu, a local tourist from Birkirkara. “What happens to our night out selfies? We need the megaliths for ambiance, not just historical significance!” The Government, however, insists this bold plan will alleviate the notorious lack of parking spaces.
”The stones will finally have a real place to shine, away from the chaos of St. Julian’s!”
To make way for the historical relocation, local authorities are reportedly working on cramming an extra 2,500 parking spaces where the megaliths once stood. “Mela, we all know that nobody comes to Malta for the stones, after all; they come for the party!” said Karmenu as he flashed a sign showcasing the new parking layout.
However, local tourist groups are not taking this news lightly. “The megaliths are just as important as our ħobż biż-żejt!” exclaimed Marija, a tourist who only wants the perfect photo. “A selfie without those stones will never be the same. It’s sacrilege!“
In a survey conducted by Times of Mela, 87% of tourists claimed they would rather deal with the hassle of finding parking than lose their megalith backdrops for selfies. “What’s the point of coming to Malta if we can’t post it online?” said Zaren, another frustrated tourist. “I don’t care about parking; I care about likes!”
At press time, local authorities announced they would be providing free entrances to the newly relocated stones in Gozo, but only if you can present a selfie with them on Instagram with the hashtag #AncientParking.