VALLETTA — In an unprecedented move, the Maltese government has announced plans to replace all public transport with traditional luzzu boats. The decision is aimed at improving the country’s ‘aquatic aesthetic’ and alleviating traffic congestion, which apparently only happens on land.
”This will be a game changer for Malta,” said Minister of Transport, Tumas Vella. “Why sit in traffic when you can float on the beautiful Mediterranean Sea? Plus, just imagine arriving at your office in a luzzu, how chic!” Uwejj! The move is not without its critics, however.
Goat herders from Għarb are protesting the decision vehemently. One particularly disgruntled herder, Pawlu, expressed frustration: “We race goats every afternoon! What are we supposed to do? Teach them to swim?”.
The Goat-Racing Dilemma
According to local authorities, goat racing is a ‘quaint tradition,’ but the government insists luzzus will not disrupt the sport. “We plan to build special goat-friendly docking stations,” claimed Vella. “With a little training, I’m sure the goats would enjoy a cruise as much as anyone!"
"This is ridiculous! My goats are not aquaphobic, but they certainly prefer the land!”
As protests continued in Għarb, many have started betting on whether the goats would prefer a gentle boat ride or to run up the hills as usual. The looming question remains: will the luzzu system actually ease land congestion? Experts are divided, but one thing is clear — no one wants to see a goat in a life jacket.
At press time, the Planning Authority was reportedly considering adding goat races to the annual festa program, ensuring that important traditions remain afloat—or rather, awash in the waves.