VALLETTA — In an unprecedented blend of faith and flotation, the Maltese Government has announced that starting next year, all Sunday Masses will be held on boats. This move aims to promote ‘spiritual buoyancy’ while addressing the nation’s alarming land shortage. Uwejjah, who knew Sunday could get so adventurous?
According to Minister for Spiritual Affairs, Karmenu Vella, the initiative is not just about saving space but also about keeping the faithful on their toes—literally. “We believe that holding Mass on boats will help people find their balance both physically and spiritually. Plus, it’s a great way to enjoy that Mediterranean breeze!” Vella declared at a press briefing while juggling pastizzi that were surprisingly well-cooked.
The Perks of Floating Faith
Each attendee skilled enough to maintain their balance throughout the service will be rewarded with free pastizzi. Early tests indicate that about 78% of participants dropped their pastries into the sea, but that just makes them more buoyant, right?
“It’s either divine intervention or just very poor boat design,”
One parishioner, Pawlu, expressed mixed feelings about this new Mass format. “I love pastizzi, but I’m not very good at balancing. I just want to know what happens if I fall in!”
The government plans to equip local fishing boats for the purpose, with a potential expansion into larger vessels if the program takes off. Transport Minister Antonio Borg has already promised that if it becomes popular, they’ll even look into renting luxury yachts.
The Church is reportedly on board with this initiative, saying it’ll help “keep things fresh.” Sources say they’re even considering adding a karaoke session after sermons for those who feel extra spirited on the waves.
At press time, the sea was gearing up for its new flock—quite literally.