VALLETTA — In an unprecedented move to ease traffic, the Maltese government has decided to replace all bus drivers with pre-recorded tapes of local grandmothers giving directions. A spokesman for Transport Malta stated, “We believe that it’s better for passengers to spend time arguing about which pastizzi shop has the flakiest crust rather than just sitting idle in traffic.”
The innovative plan is already causing a stir. Local resident, Tumas, expressed his approval: “At least now I can argue passionately about how Dom’s is better than Crystal’s while pretending to listen to L-Iżdida!” He continued, “Honestly, I think this will add to the atmosphere on the bus.”
Grandma Knows Best
As part of the initiative, each bus will feature a pre-recorded message from a different grandmother, giving directions in a way that would surely start a heated debate among passengers. Karmenu, a regular bus user, commented, “Nothing like a good argument about pastizzi to bring the community closer. More practical than listening to a driver!”
“It’s not just about getting where you need to go; it’s about the journey and the pastizzi!”
Critics have voiced concerns that the new system may lead to complications, especially if a grandmother has conflicting opinions about which shop makes the best pastizzi. Marija, a local traffic analyst, explained, “We expect an increase in traffic jams around Rabat as people debate whether to pick up pastries before their trip. If they can’t agree, the bus might not leave at all.”
Despite the confusing implications, the government remains optimistic. A representative for the Planning Authority stated, “If everyone is going to argue about pastizzi instead of yelling at the driver, we can call this a success.”
At press time, preliminary recordings of local grandmothers were being collected, with reports of some arguing over who should be the voice of the main bus line.