VALLETTA — In a shocking move, local councils across Malta have voted unanimously to replace the iconic ‘Il-Luzzu’ boats with inflatable swans. This decision, touted as a step towards promoting ‘more sustainable tourism’, has opened up new and unexpected career options for the nation’s seagull population.
The new inflatable fleet, already made famous for being seen bobbing aimlessly on the waves, has made waves of confusion among the local wildlife. Seagulls, normally preoccupied with stealing pastizzi, have started flocking to job openings, applying aggressively for lifeguard positions at the beaches.
Marlene, a local councilor, explained the decision saying, “Uwejja, it’s time we embraced the future. These swans are eco-friendly. Plus, they can’t sink.” A quick check found her council indeed has a strong grasp on nautical safety.
“We believe in a future where swans can carry tourists without harming our precious sea,”
However, the move has not been without its hurdles. Confused seagulls have reportedly been flocking to local swimming areas in search of “lifeguard gear.” Most arrive with floaties, a few wearing sunglasses, and all with a great confusion on how to perform CPR.
Meanwhile, the Gozo ferry operators have come under pressure to provide flotation devices capable of comforting both tourists and the now-overqualified gulls. “We’ve never had this issue before,” confessed Rita from a local ferry service. “Għandi biżżejjed problemi! What are we supposed to do, stop the ferries for birds?”
The Rise of Professional Seagulls
As the situation escalates, seagulls are taking up new routines. Swim lessons have been introduced for them, alongside certifications in beach safety. Locals have reported seeing groups of gulls paddling around with swim caps and goggles. “You should see them trying to save each other from the floating swans,” said local fisherman Karmenu, shaking his head.
The Planning Authority has already warned that a further review is needed regarding the “seagull job market” as they implement new strategies to assist the birds in their career advancements.
At press time, Marija, a local activist, was seen attempting to organize unions for the seagulls, arguing for fair pay in couscous and breadcrumbs. People across Malta have begun changing their summer holiday plans to accommodate seagull lifeguards, while tourists are seen furiously documenting the new “lifeguard curls” in social media.
Only in Malta, folks. If you think you’re confused, wait till you see what’s floating next.